lol
snakes
MudDawg- Posts : 26
Join date : 2010-08-13
Age : 63
Location : Tupelo Ms.
- Post n°2
snakes
Professional Soldiers ® > At Ease > The Comedy Zone
Updated Snake Model
Welcome, longsf.
You last visited: 08-22-2010 at 09:10
Private Messages: Unread 0, Total 0.
Search Forums
Show Threads Show Posts
New Posts
Today's Posts
Advanced Search
Quick Links
Today's Posts
Mark Forums Read
Open Contacts Popup
User Control Panel
Edit Signature
Edit Your Details
Edit Options
Miscellaneous
Private Messages
Subscribed Threads
Your Profile
Who's Online
Go to Page...
View First Unread Thread Tools Search this Thread Rate Thread Display Modes
Today, 18:15 #12
Sdiver
Area Commander
Sdiver is online now
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: Mile High...The Land of the 14er's
Posts: 2,301 Quote:
Originally Posted by lksteve
This update is lacking a Powerpoint slide assessing snake vulnerability vis a vis Coalition Force capability.
Quote:
Originally Posted by 1stindoor
hmmm...something to have fun with when I have too much time on my hands.
1st,
Get a nice powerpoint set up for the updated snake model, and we'll award you a new tab, that you can wear with pride..........
Attached Thumbnails
__________________
Non Sibi Sed Suis
_____________________________________________
It's Good To Be Da King !!!! Just ask NDD !!!!
Sdiver
View Public Profile
Send a private message to Sdiver
Find More Posts by Sdiver
Add Sdiver to Your Contacts
Today, 09:30 #11
Ret10Echo
Quiet Professional
Ret10Echo is offline
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: The "GOOD" side of Maryland
Posts: 2,126 Quote:
Originally Posted by lksteve
This update is lacking a Powerpoint slide assessing snake vulnerability vis a vis Coalition Force capability.
I believe a sufficiently thorough presentation would far exceed the maximum file size for upload...
__________________
"Brother, this is Washington, DC. You can't swing a dead cat without hitting a stack of idiots."
HOPE for CHANGE November 6, 2012
Ret10Echo
View Public Profile
Send a private message to Ret10Echo
Send email to Ret10Echo
Find More Posts by Ret10Echo
Add Ret10Echo to Your Contacts
Today, 08:29 #10
1stindoor
Quiet Professional
1stindoor is offline
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Ft. Bragg
Posts: 383 Quote:
Originally Posted by lksteve
This update is lacking a Powerpoint slide assessing snake vulnerability vis a vis Coalition Force capability.
hmmm...something to have fun with when I have too much time on my hands.
__________________
War is an ugly thing, but not the ugliest of things. The decayed and degraded state of moral and patriotic feeling which thinks that nothing is worth war is much worse. The person who has nothing for which he is willing to fight, nothing which is more important than his own personal safety, is a miserable creature and has no chance of being free unless made and kept so by the exertions of better men than himself.
John Stuart Mill
1stindoor
View Public Profile
Send a private message to 1stindoor
Find More Posts by 1stindoor
Add 1stindoor to Your Contacts
Yesterday, 16:36 #9
JJ_BPK
Quiet Professional
JJ_BPK is offline
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Conch Republic
Posts: 2,400 Quote:
Originally Posted by lksteve
This update is lacking a Powerpoint slide assessing snake vulnerability vis a vis Coalition Force capability.
Nothing speaks BD like a Snake Doctrine in POWERPOINT..
Ref: BD = Blood Diamond...
__________________
Go raibh tú leathuair ar Neamh sula mbeadh a fhios ag an diabhal go bhfuil tú marbh
"May you be a half hour in heaven before the devil knows you’re dead"
JJ_BPK
View Public Profile
Send a private message to JJ_BPK
Send email to JJ_BPK
Find More Posts by JJ_BPK
Add JJ_BPK to Your Contacts
Yesterday, 13:03 #8
lksteve
Quiet Professional
lksteve is online now
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Fort Collins, CO
Posts: 2,294 This update is lacking a Powerpoint slide assessing snake vulnerability vis a vis Coalition Force capability.
__________________
""A man must know his destiny. if he does not recognize it, then he is lost. By this I mean, once, twice, or at the very most, three times, fate will reach out and tap a man on the shoulder. if he has the imagination, he will turn around and fate will point out to him what fork in the road he should take, if he has the guts, he will take it.""- GEN George S. Patton
lksteve
View Public Profile
Send a private message to lksteve
Send email to lksteve
Find More Posts by lksteve
Add lksteve to Your Contacts
Yesterday, 13:01 #7
Nightfall
Asset
Nightfall is offline
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Mississippi Delta
Posts: 32 Quote:
Originally Posted by Richard
The following is based on my experiences with the 2nd and 11th Armored 'Carnival' Regiments and is intended to be humorous - however, YMMV.
Last I heard they were somewhere in Montana looking for Osama Bin Laden. Maybe we can add one for them if they ever find their way back.
Richard
hahahahahaha, I would have figured Mexico (what was that Larry the Cable Guy movie?).
__________________
Es fácil reírse del gringo perdido...
Nightfall
View Public Profile
Send a private message to Nightfall
Send email to Nightfall
Find More Posts by Nightfall
Add Nightfall to Your Contacts
Yesterday, 12:01 #6
Richard
Quiet Professional
Richard is offline
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 6,932 Quote:
Sweet. Though I was hoping for a Cav Scout one.
The following is based on my experiences with the 2nd and 11th Armored 'Carnival' Regiments and is intended to be humorous - however, YMMV.
Last I heard they were somewhere in Montana looking for Osama Bin Laden. Maybe we can add one for them if they ever find their way back.
Richard
__________________
"Dear Gawd - please save us from those who say they believe in you!"
Don’t let yourself get treed by a Chihuahua.
Richard
View Public Profile
Send a private message to Richard
Send email to Richard
Find More Posts by Richard
Add Richard to Your Contacts
Yesterday, 11:40 #5
Nightfall
Asset
Nightfall is offline
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Mississippi Delta
Posts: 32 Sweet. Though I was hoping for a Cav Scout one.
__________________
Es fácil reírse del gringo perdido...
Nightfall
View Public Profile
Send a private message to Nightfall
Send email to Nightfall
Find More Posts by Nightfall
Add Nightfall to Your Contacts
Yesterday, 10:20 #4
1stindoor
Quiet Professional
1stindoor is offline
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Ft. Bragg
Posts: 383 I think #s 19, 20, and 28 are my favorites.
__________________
War is an ugly thing, but not the ugliest of things. The decayed and degraded state of moral and patriotic feeling which thinks that nothing is worth war is much worse. The person who has nothing for which he is willing to fight, nothing which is more important than his own personal safety, is a miserable creature and has no chance of being free unless made and kept so by the exertions of better men than himself.
John Stuart Mill
1stindoor
View Public Profile
Send a private message to 1stindoor
Find More Posts by 1stindoor
Add 1stindoor to Your Contacts
Yesterday, 09:20 #3
Richard
Quiet Professional
Richard is offline
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 6,932 Good update!
Richard
__________________
"Dear Gawd - please save us from those who say they believe in you!"
Don’t let yourself get treed by a Chihuahua.
Richard
View Public Profile
Send a private message to Richard
Send email to Richard
Find More Posts by Richard
Add Richard to Your Contacts
Yesterday, 08:52 #2
1stindoor
Quiet Professional
1stindoor is offline
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Ft. Bragg
Posts: 383 Snake model update continued...
15. Combat Controllers: Nothing sexy due to massive limits on air ops as our snake doctrine recommends we concentrate on the "will of the snakes".
16. Para-Rescue Jumper: See #15.
17. Supply: Pays snakes to transport supplies, as it violates risk assessments to travel where snakes live. Snakes take money and buy bombs to blow-up FOBs. Bombs blow-up supplies, which causes them to pay more money to snakes to transport more supplies, and so on- in a circle it goes. All loggies deployed to snake AO get CABs.
18. Transport pilot: Is too busy flying VIPs and general officers around to transport anything. Forwards all supply requests to supply. Even more money to snakes to transport supplies. Since more supplies are required in theater, more generals are required to approve the requests. More generals in theater mean more supply requests forwarded to supply, and so on- in a circle it goes. All transport pilots get General Officer coins.
19. F-15 pilot: Mis-identifies SF and good snakes as bad snakes and requests clearance to engage. Rare clearance is given and SF frantically calls pilot off. Pilot later blames Army lack of understanding of Air Force in 70 page staff college paper that gets him promoted to general and an achievement ribbon. Goes on to command air cell that clears other F-15s to fire on other good snakes and SF. One of his pilots also writes a staff college paper that blames the Army... and so on...
20. F-16 pilot: Finds snake village, drops two CBU-87 cluster bombs, and misses snake target, but gets direct hit on a snake wedding ceremony 500 KM East of snake village due to weather. Claims that a strategic bombing campaign will enable it in the future to kill all snakes and achieve a revolution in military affairs. Writes paper in staff college... you know the story...
21. AH-64 Apache pilot: More than likely the majority of these jokers are working as staff officers in some 30-general officer headquarters on some massive base that used to be in a lovely location- but since has been plowed of all trees and ripped of all grass and is now a dusty, rock-filled, tent-covered, and connex-heavy base that DOES have a Green Bean coffee place. Gets pissed off because all the NATO guys can drink, but the former pilots have to meet in secret so that they don't end their careers by having less alcohol than the average 12 year old in Germany on a Sunday. Gets a NATO medal and a Meritorious Service Medal (MSM) for never building a power point slide in 7 months that didn't need corrections by an O-6 U.S. Colonel. Doesn't really believe there are any snakes in the AO.
22. UH-60 Blackhawk pilot: see #18.
23. B-52 pilot: All B-52s are deadlined due to lack of spare parts. See #21.
24. Missile crew: Missiles? Nothing mentioned about missiles in COIN manual. See artillery.
25. Intelligence officer: Spends entire deployment in air-conditioned, windowless, staff office in large, meaningless FOB. Reads reports from the field and does analysis on the reports that all in the field who actually interact with snakes disagree with. Attempts to justify job by disagreeing with leaders in the field in front of their boss during weekly Video Teleconferences (VTCs). Puts all officers in for MSMs if they are still breathing oxygen at the end of their tour.
26. Judge Advocate General (JAG): Answers the phone with "No, now what's the question?" Doesn't believe forces are allowed to do anything in theater, much less interact with snakes. Works feverishly on prosecuting infantry who have interacted with snakes who are now dead for some reason. Puts all JAG soldiers in for Bronze Stars.
27. NATO soldiers: Import tons of alcohol along with national caveats that make it impossible for them to interact with snakes unless they are training good snakes on a highly-protected base. When one of their soldiers gets killed while driving intoxicated, country pulls their forces out of snake AO. Snakes miss the alcohol, although snakes aren't known to drink alcohol. U.S. females miss them due to their exotic accents and their forward demeanor (unbounded as it is by sexual harassment paranoia and sexual sensitivity training). They all get NATO medals and the lowest U.S. award possible.
28. Contractors: Fought snakes in Vietnam when they were commie snakes. Work a 9 to 5 job and get Fridays off. Follow the contract closer than a union follows a break schedule. Doesn't build any capability in the snakes worth mentioning, but manages to make a lot of money. Loses contract- not due to a failure to deliver- but because another contractor (who is worse) bids lower. Protests the loss of the contract, which sets back anti-bad-snake operations at least a year. Loses contract in the end, but gains another contract as U.S. forces draw-down and requirements stay the same. All contractors get bonuses and 401-k growth due to their companies being the only companies on Wall Street making money that didn't get a bailout.
29. General officers: Sign off on new guidance once in theater that encourages forces to engage with snakes, live among them, build rapport, and coordinate with civilians. Then signs off on policy that labels engaging with snakes, living among them, building rapport, and coordinating with civilians as high risk and requiring a general officer to sign off on prior to every instance of conducting said activities. Berates subordinates for not engaging with snakes, living among them, building rapport, and coordinating with civilians. Gets promoted no matter what happens while they are here.
__________________
War is an ugly thing, but not the ugliest of things. The decayed and degraded state of moral and patriotic feeling which thinks that nothing is worth war is much worse. The person who has nothing for which he is willing to fight, nothing which is more important than his own personal safety, is a miserable creature and has no chance of being free unless made and kept so by the exertions of better men than himself.
John Stuart Mill
1stindoor
View Public Profile
Send a private message to 1stindoor
Find More Posts by 1stindoor
Add 1stindoor to Your Contacts
Updated Snake Model
Yesterday, 08:51 #1
1stindoor
Quiet Professional
1stindoor is offline
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Ft. Bragg
Posts: 383 Updated Snake Model
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Picked this up on socnet
Many of you may have seen the original Snake Model of the Differential Theory of US Armed Forces upon encountering a snake in the AO. That was written when we didn't need to call what we did "warrior training" or call ourselves "warriors". Today that model has changed, however- per below:
The Updated Snake Model
Differential Theory of US Armed Forces (Snake Model) upon encountering a snake in the Area of Operations (AO)- updated version
1. Infantry: GPS is down, therefore doesn't find the snake AO as they don't do training anymore on how to use a lensatic compass. Re-adjusts black beret in frustration, then feels good about self because, as the beret denotes, they have undergone "transformation".
2. Airborne: Comes into theater on an airplane, but doesn't jump in. Is pretty much indistinguishable from Infantry, but decides to differentiate themselves by ruthlessly enforcing the reflective belt rule, the no sex rule, the no alcohol rule, and shuts down salsa night. Only about 21% of their force ever see a snake while they are in the AO, and that just spooks them. Leadership decide snake ops are more dangerous than jumping and require a general officer to approve operations. Soldiers spend their time filming themselves dancing and uploading their vids to YouTube.
3. Armor: Runs over fake snakes that the Airborne have put on the roads to confuse the tread heads. Giggles, runs over the fake snakes again. Puts entire unit in for the Combat Action Badge (CAB).
4. Aviation: Has Global Positioning Satellite coordinates to snake. Can't find snake. Returns to base for refuel, crew rest and manicure. (some things never change...)
5. Ranger: Fast-ropes onto objective where snakes are thought to be. Secures outer area for special mission unit (SMU) to kill/capture snakes. SMU kills all snakes on objective, to include women and children snakes and then leaves. Rangers exfil 24 hours later. All get CIB. Go back to base and walk around like they are SMU members, since they no longer cut their hair short. Get yelled at by Airborne Sergeant Major for not saluting and for having hands in pockets when it is 0 degrees outside. Now they know how SF feel.
6. Field Artillery: Deployed into theater like infantry. Can't figure out which end the bullet comes from on their rifle. Complains that they can't fire their cannons because they didn't bring them. Are made the bitches of the infantry. Spend a lot of time with anyone who will listen- explaining the physics of indirect fire. Get frustrated with infantry knuckle-dragging attitude. Everyone gets a CAB.
7. Special Forces: Have been in theater for years after overthrowing bad snake regime, building rapport and winning snakes' hearts and minds and training them to kill other snakes. Watches as conventional forces arrive, build huge bases and FOBs, inject more generals than the Pentagon has, more colonels than Michael Jackson had surgeries, and more rules and regulations than a communist regime. Is forced to shave beards and wear reflective belts and can't shoot bad guys unless the bad guys shoot at them while yelling that they hate Americans and promising Global Jihad. Lose more of their soldiers to conventional force negligent discharges than enemy fire. Spend more time saluting conventional officers than planning anti-snake missions.
8. Special Forces NCO: Tapes hand to patrol cap because his hand is usually in salute position on crowded and rank-heavy FOBs. Gets yelled at by Conventional Sergeant Major. Tries to go on anti-snake mission to get away from FOB. Is turned down by risk assessment.
9. Conventional Sergeant Major: Walks around huge FOBs inspecting for important things like if people are saluting and if safety belts are on the right shoulder. Encourages commanders to pass new rules that require all soldiers to low-crawl while on FOBs as walking is deemed too dangerous according to recently-updated risk assessments. Labels all activities done in Snake AO as "highly dangerous" and thus requiring General Officer approval prior to waking up every morning.
10. Combat Engineer: Studies COIN. Realizes, even though our doctrine says not to hide on FOBs, they will be busy building FOBs. Prepares in-depth doctrinal thesis in obscure 5 series Field Manual about how building more FOBs will win the war. Complains that maneuver forces don't understand how to properly build FOBs.
11. Navy SEAL: Is confused once they realize that SOCOM deployed them for political reasons to a landlocked country. Can't wrap mind around the fact they don't have a submarine to exfil to. Spends time on FOBs trying to impress the ladies by inviting them to watch Charlie Sheen movies. Hollywood still makes fantasy film in which SEALs kill Muslim extremist snakes.
12. Navy: Deploys into theater and fills jobs the infantry wouldn't even take. Complains about the infantry training they received prior to deploying- saying they didn't sign up for hardship like that. Complains that they shouldn't be participating in operations in a landlocked country. Still makes presentation to Senate Appropriations Committee on how Naval forces are the most cost-effective means of anti-snake force projection, even though they didn't see any snakes.
13. Marine: Kills snake by accident while looking for souvenirs. Local civilians demand removal of all US forces from Area of Operations. Leadership declare that they should be allowed to take over operations for the entire snake AO, because "inside every snake is a Marine, waiting to get out". Snakes begin to shave scales in a high and tight manner and instead of hissing make noises that sound curiously like "hoo-rah".
14. Marine Recon: Provides the foundation for a new, special, elite, Special-Ops Marine unit, while not admitting that regular Marines are not special. Deploys into theater and kills snakes just like regular Marines. Gets thrown out of country. Comes back with a whole battalion and sits everyone on FOBs. Wishes they were back in the "regular" Marines again.
...to be continued
__________________
War is an ugly thing, but not the ugliest of things. The decayed and degraded state of moral and patriotic feeling which thinks that nothing is worth war is much worse. The person who has nothing for which he is willing to fight, nothing which is more important than his own personal safety, is a miserable creature and has no chance of being free unless made and kept so by the exertions of better men than himself.
John Stuart Mill
1stindoor
View Public Profile
Send a private message to 1stindoor
Find More Posts by 1stindoor
Add 1stindoor to Your Contacts
« Previous Thread | Next Thread »
Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (1 members and 0 guests)
longsf+
Thread Tools
Show Printable Version
Email this Page
Subscribe to this Thread
Display Modes
Linear Mode
Switch to Hybrid Mode
Switch to Threaded Mode
Search this Thread
Advanced Search
Rate This Thread
Excellent
Good
Average
Bad
Terrible
Posting Rules
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may post attachments
You may edit your posts
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Forum Rules
Forum Jump
User Control Panel Private Messages Subscriptions Who's Online Search Forums Forums Home Welcome to Professional Soldiers ® Welcome to Professional Soldiers ® Professional Soldiers ® Bulletin Board Rules Introductions Special Forces Base Camp Special Forces Questions 1st Special Forces Group 3rd Special Forces Group 5th Special Forces Group 7th Special Forces Group 10th Special Forces Group Deactivated SF Units National Guard SF Groups 19th Group 20th Group And Some Gave All.... In Memory Of TAPS Hall of Heroes Above and Beyond Attention to Orders POW/MIA Professional Soldiers ® "Hall of Shame" "Hall of Shame Inductees" The Pipeline Special Forces Assessment & Selection Special Forces Qualification Course 18A 180A 18Z 18F 18B 18C 18D 18E TMC 14 Vital Signs Medical Pearls Of Wisdom General Medical The Aid Bag Special Forces Weapons Weapons Discussion Area Ammo Talk Edged Weapons The Bear Pit PT/ H2H Mindset Kit Tips Professional Gear Special Forces Fieldcraft The Cache Hunting & Fishing Fin Fur Feather UWOA Insurgencies & Guerrilla Warfare Terrorism Briefback Area Studies Asia Africa Middle East Latin America Europe At Ease The Early Bird General Discussions The Soapbox The Arena The Library Rucksack Wisdom The Gourmet Guerrilla The Comedy Zone Technical FAQ Forum Technology News and Reviews KnuckleDragger Questions KnuckleDraggers Test Area The Team Sergeant's Office Your Rucksack is in the Hall
All times are GMT -5. The time now is 22:50.Mark Forums Read | View Forum Leaders | Log Out longsf
Contact Us - Professional Soldiers ® - Archive - Top
Copyright 2004-2010 by Professional Soldiers ®
Site Designed, Maintained, & Hosted by Hilliker Technologies